Most of my life I lived on the edge, outside the boundaries of society. Addiction to crack cocaine and and alcohol, paired with homelessness, was a cocktail for destruction. For many years I doubted the existence of God due to the poor quality of my life. I’d often wondered if there was a God, and why he would put me through such an unimaginable existence. At that point I wasn’t living–merely existing. I dwelled among the forgotten and discarded in our society, the junkies, prostitutes and thieves. I fit in, I wasn’t judged, I felt accepted, painfully aware that this lifestyle suited me and was what I was destined for.
Being homeless, finding a safe place to sleep was always a challenge. Looking back I see that I was surrounded by God’s protection. I found myself more often than not, sleeping on the grounds of one of the houses of the One I doubted. I felt safe. But still unwilling to accept God, my struggles continued for years, until I was broken.
Tired, withered, and wounded, I decided I needed change. My life without God was empty. I accepted God into my life not knowing what that meant, but I knew my attempts were from the heart. Immediately, immovable obstacles miraculously faded. I had to trust God and I let go completely. I would be safe in the arms of the Lord. The more I loosened my grip on the wheel, the more his undeniable love and grace for me was apparent.
Now in my two years of sobriety, God’s call for me has become clearer. He whispers softly to me his adoration for me, and for my determination to do His will. He gifted me with a place to call home, a loving family, and a beautiful daughter.
Thank you God for your precious blessings and patience. You taught me to accept the unacceptable, to bear the unbearable, and to love the unlovable. Through my troubled times, I found an inner peace, and love I’ve been searching for my entire life.
“Trust in the lord with all your heart, and do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.” – Proverbs 3:5-6
