Alan Graham received this beautiful, expressive letter from a friend who agreed to let us share it without sharing her identity. Prayers and love to this sister from all of us at Mobile Loaves & Fishes.
You and I have emailed a few times over the years and I truly admire the work you’re doing with MLF. There’s a reason for my email but I should give you a little backstory first. I ask that you please keep all of this confidential as it’s extremely personal. I went through a very dark period recently and actually tried to commit suicide by CO poisoning (it obviously didn’t work) and instead I ended up with a 3rd degree arm burn and smoke inhalation.
I have since come to realize that that kind of darkness is temporary but blinding. I decided that there’s obviously a reason I’m still here and that I needed to recommit my life to Christ and to being a better person in order to find the happiness in my life that’s been lost. I also decided that I needed a change of scenery and to really change up my life to get better, including leaving Austin next week to move closer to my family in the DFW area.
I’ve done a lot of crying and praying since my suicide attempt and I’ve come to realize that for the first time in my life, I need to truly trust Him and learn to follow instead or me trying to do the leading. Since making that decision, I’ve seen doors open up and there have been a couple of times when God found a way to deliver a much needed message to me when I desperately needed it. I had the questions/doubts in my head/heart but hadn’t voiced them out loud and apparently I didn’t have to. He answered me anyway and it touched me in a way that I could never explain.
As part of my suicide preparation, I completed my will and in it, I left my wedding ring set to you so that you could sell it and donate the money to MLF (I’m divorced). I’m still here, but I want to go ahead and donate my wedding ring set to you anyway. You’re doing great work with MLF and I’d like to help in some small way. I don’t need the ring set and I think the money is best served in your hands where I know you’ll put it to good use. I know I’m going to be ok and that I’m strong enough to fight the depression that has consumed my life for too long. I’m making big changes in my life and am looking forward to my new adventure. I’ll miss Austin but I truly feel that I’m being led to move closer to home and I’ve decided to listen.
So…the net of this very long and personal email is this: I had intended to donate my wedding ring set to you and MLF after my death but instead, I’d like to donate them to you at the beginning of my new life. I do hope you’ll allow me the honor of helping in the work you’re doing. (I’ve also collected a bag full of hotel shampoo, conditioner, soap, etc.. that I thought you could give to anyone that needs it.) If you’re willing to accept my ring set, please let me know the best address to send them to you. I know I’m far too emotional right now and would be embarrassed to face you in person after telling you all of this so that’s the reason for mailing them. Thanks for taking the time to read this and again, please keep all of this confidential. Keep up the great work that you’re doing and know that you’re making a difference in peoples lives.